Katrina

Some rednecks in New Orleans put their foot down and made sure they wouldn't put up with looter... YAY for the rednecks!

Redneck Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.

THE END

Redneck Funeral

How Rednecks Get Around

A COWASAKI

What if....?

... Rednecks ruled the U.S.A...

North and South

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.



FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern words to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary are the adjectives "big'ol," truck or "good'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It "don't matter" whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns; they are proficient marksmen; and, their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think they'll be accepted as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Redneck Love

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be sleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbours would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't cum

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Redneck birthday cake

There are a lot of famous birthdays today.. just thought I'd say
Happy birthday redneck style!

Nicole Richie (24) - Redneck wanabe
Alfonso Ribeiro (34) - Carlton Banks!! LOL
Ricki Lake (37) - nice HAIR!!
Faith Hill (38) - Rednecks love her!
David James Elliot (45) - Harm! <- rednecks will name their kids this
Bill Murray (55) - Too awesome!!
Stephen King (58) - Too weird!!
Larry Hagman (74) - GENIE!!!

Along the Same Lines

I think the sign pretty much says it all....baaaaaaaaaaaa!

Ode to the Kiwis

Here's a redneck tribute to my Kiwi friends...LMAO....baaaaaaaa!!

Redneck Palm III

What NOT to do when drunk

Redneck Checklist 51 - 60

51. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
52. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.
53. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
54. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
55. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam
mudflaps.
56. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
57. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
58. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
59. You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
60. Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

More White Trash Barbie..damn...

Joe Cartoon

Watch it!

To see even more hilarous and completely gross flash movies...
visit Joe Cartoon!

Walmart Patrol

Jet Ski

Charades

Sex games

Redneck Checklist 41-50

41. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
42. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run.)
43. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right.'
44. You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
45. Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
46. You've ever financed a tattoo.
47. Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
48. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
49. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
50. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

DUI

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Ossifer, I don't think I could have passed this drunk test sober!

Family Fun

Ummmmm.......