Redneck Nursery Rhymes

(Wish I could take credit, but these are not original compositions.)


Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"


HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Houseboat??

Now THAT'S fancy!!!

Don't drive drunk

Smart rednecks have designated drivers!!

More priorities

Priorities

Redneck tee

.... or aussie tee?

Redneck Christmas

Hey Bubba!! Did you see the rack on that reindeer?? WOOOOOWEEEEEE!!!!!

Sick Bastard 2

Sick Bastard

White Trash Hurricane Survival Kit

Toilet Paper................................check

Bud Light...................................check

Keystone Ice................................check

Budweiser...................................check

Red Dog.....................................check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol..............check

Plywood to float yer chick 'n booze on......check

Next time let's all be more prepared.

Safe Driver

This redneck must have read this sign....

First thing, *GASP* a redneck that can read?!! And second, *GASP* a redneck with ingenuity?!!! OMG the world will end soon... thank goodness Karen and I have our "positions of power" set up in the underworld LOL

Go U.S.A.

This makes me proud to be an American

Why Bubba should not wear a thong.....

WARNING..............FOR THE FAINT OF HEART...DO NOT SCROLL DOWN IF YOU WILL BE TRAUMATIZED BY LARGE NEKKIDNESS.............

Mullet Class

Remember when mullets ruled???

If you still think that...there must be a 12 step program out there for you!!

Katrina

Some rednecks in New Orleans put their foot down and made sure they wouldn't put up with looter... YAY for the rednecks!

Redneck Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.

THE END

Redneck Funeral

How Rednecks Get Around

A COWASAKI

What if....?

... Rednecks ruled the U.S.A...

North and South

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.



FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern words to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary are the adjectives "big'ol," truck or "good'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It "don't matter" whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns; they are proficient marksmen; and, their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think they'll be accepted as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.